When Adult Kids Disrespect You

I hear from people who are sick and dealing with health issues. In addition to that, many have problems with their kids. When adult kids disrespect you, I’ve got some ways you can calm that mess down. I hope you never let anyone treat you poorly, or put you down…. Even your own kids.

Take Care of Yourself First

You Did Your Best – Nobody is perfect. Parenting is hard, and you gave it all you had. Look back and remember that no matter what you did, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Love and Forgive Yourself – Stop being mad at yourself. Ask forgiveness when it’s needed, but most of all, forgive your sweet self.

Set New Limits – Decide what works for you and set a limit to how much you will give – and how much you will take. If it’s stuff from the past, let it go. You can’t re-parent. You can set new boundaries.

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No More Disrespect – If you have allowed your kids to treat you poorly in the past. Stop it! Learn new ways to gain, and maintain, your kid’s respect.  I’ve got more tips and hope they will help.

When I was on treatment for the Hepatitis C Virus, my daughter didn’t always know what to do with me. I had hepatic encephalopathy, and had been zoney – without knowing why. After my liver failed, I was diagnosed with end stage liver disease. I was consumed with getting better and saving my life. She had her own set of problems to deal with, plus caring for a very sick mom.

I don’t listen well when I’m upset. We learned to put off a hot topic until emotions calmed down. My liver lab panels were a mess, and emotions could run high.

When Adult Kids Disrespect You Ground Rules

Listen – I had to learn to listen without defending or arguing. None of the usual “reloading” tactics, where she fired a volley of words, and then I fired back. I learned a lot. While listening, remain “curious” about how your kid is feeling. What was it like to grow up with you as a mom or dad? They’ve got a story to tell, and in the telling… sometimes the truth can get blurry – before it becomes clearer. We don’t talk during this time, but we can use sounds. Hmmmm. Awwww. Ohhhhhh. Lots of eye contact helps.

Time Out – Let them know you heard them. Tell them you need to think about what was said. Go inside of your head and heart. Forgive yourself, and then forgive them. Release the whole mess, and push it out of your mind. Meditation, prayer, and support are helpful during this phase. Give lots of space. Don’t rush to fix anything.

Good Words – After time has gone by for you to relax and feel better about yourself, and the whole situation, say some good words to your child.

Here are some starters

Thank you for sharing your story.

I feel (sad, angry, scared, upset, nervous) about our relationship.

This situation is hard on you.

This must be a sad time for you.

I can tell that you’ve got a lot of anger inside.

What would you like to see happen?

Honey, I love you.

When we’re dealing with chronic, ongoing health problems, it can mess up the way our family relates to one another. We don’t use it as an excuse. We use wise parenting skills. We model healing behavior for our kids. It might take time, and a few trips through the above cycles. Eventually, if you choose, you may begin to connect with your kids in a healthier way. If your kids have been abusive, you may choose NOT to be in a relationship with them. That just means you have heard enough and are taking a LONG time out. 

Either way – Make sure you are getting respected. When adult kids disrespect you , don’t let anyone talk to you poorly. Let me know how this works for you. xo Karen