I can’t write about my organ donor the way I write about everything else. As a transplant recipient, there simply aren’t enough words in my vocabulary or heart. My dear donor, that beautiful boy who’s pictures I have memorized in every corner of my mind – the boy whose liver is tucked literally beneath my heart – would have been 21 years old on March 11. This blog is for my organ donor’s birthday.
I wrote a letter to his family soon after my transplant. Gavin’s mom and I have messaged a lot since then. His mom recently said it would be fine to mention his name on my website, and i public speaking. However, even before I knew his name, he had moved far beyond being the boy who passed, whose mom donated his organs to save lives. Gavin wasn’t just the boy who shared his liver to rid me of cancer. He was, and always will be, many things to many people.
Gavin is the boy whose life on earth ended, while mine was saved. I say this in a heavy hearted way that only a transplant recipient will understand. My donor passed too young, leaving forever during springtime, and his life will be remembered, and celebrated like springtime.
A Survivor’s Heartfelt Emotions
Forgive me if this blog is disjointed. My heart is in a tangle right now. I’ve typed and edited sentence after sentence, and am finally going to publish – on time – the ways I’m learning to think about, and celebrate, my organ donor’s birthday.
Liver Cancer – By March, the tumor was like a sumo wrestler. It was slowly getting more aggressive, growing rapidly, and being joined by a fellow tumor. Additional liquid poison was poured directly through a catheter in my femoral artery. The tube protected the vein from destruction, and allowed targeted delivery on the tumors and surrounding liver tissue. It was our 3rd attempt to rid me of The Awful. At any moment, my Meld could change and I would be denied a transplant, removed from the list.
Celebrating Gavin’s Life
Gavin turned 17 on a Wednesday afternoon. He was celebrated with gifts, gathered around a cake, and blew out candles with his siblings. He was a typical teen, who liked to hang out at grandpa’s place, and nobody ever loved a grandson more. His brothers were his best friends. His sisters thought he hung the stars. Even though he had to bend down to hug his mama, he was, and is, always and forever her baby.
After that birthday, life went on as usual. Next came spring break, school testing, and helping his little sisters get ready for Easter egg hunting. As the oldest, and tallest in the family, everyone looked up to him, literally and figuratively. Living in a small home town, he knew that a welcoming door was always open at his family and friends house.
There is no wonderful summary here. No paragraph to announce that his loss is now easier. His voice, presence, and love are still deeply missed. His birthday will be celebrated as always, with mom remembering the day she gave birth to two boys. The cake will be made and the candles blown out by his twin brother.
In my home, heart, and in my body, I celebrate my organ donor’s birthday too. That sweet boy who never grew into a man would have been 21 today. I carry him, and also the thought of him with me daily. As a transplant athlete, I draw strength from his life. As Lifeshare Oklahoma’s Advocate of the Year, I tell our story in hopes of encouraging others who have loved and lost.
Gavin’s Mom
As a mom and grandma, I feel his passing keenly, and am extremely thankful that his mother intuitively used her great heart, and presence of mind. Because of her decision, she insured that he would be remembered forever in many lives, including the ones who received his donated organs. Yes, sweet wonderful thoughtful caring tenderhearted Gavin is remembered, and lives on in all of us. I expressed my gratitude in the first letter to her to simply say Thank You.
Happy Birthday Gavin. You are so loved, and missed so much. You are forever in our hearts and minds. We celebrate your life today, and every day.
XOXO Love, Karen
16 thoughts on “My Organ Donor’s Birthday”
Happy Heavenly Birthday Gavin ❤️❤️
Sweet One,
I know you have received a life saving gift as well and understand the depths of my feelings. Thank you for being my friend and going through this journey of transplant with me. I finally was able to log in without crying and post the replies. What a beautiful tribute to our donors and their families.
xoxo Karen
What a wonderful tribute Karen.
Thank you my friend. This was one of the hardest articles I have ever written, and I couldn’t even get back on to post comments. I finally woke up this morning and read all of your words.
Bless you for taking the time. Thank you for honoring our Gavin with your kind words.
xo Karen
I like the content very much, you thought very creative in your words about Gavin. Congratulations, I think you have a special heart. I also think that you can bless his family with your work to help others with liver disease.
Linda,
Aw. You touch my heart and it’s not always easy to put into words all that I feel about Gavin. He is a part of me forever now and is always on my mind.
His family have suffered greatly due to his passing. They were so brave to honor him by saving lives through organ donation. Others are living today because of their gift. I hope that my work will be considered a part of the legacy of Gavin’s life forever.
Thanks for stopping by to comment. I really appreciate it and so does Gavin’s family. Especially mom and grandpa.
xo Karen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAVIN. AN ANGEL ON EARTH IS NOW AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN.
Your precious words means so much!
Thank you and yes, Happy Birthday to Gavin. I was late in posting responses as I prepared for a trip to a yoga workshop. It has been so healing physically, an also helps me to more through the emotion of loving and living with this precious boy beneath my heart.
Love and hugs,
xo Karen
Karen, I didn’t realize you were saved by the life lost of such a young man. As I sit here as a Dad and grandfather I feel their loss, surely not as much pain, and tears roll down my face for his loss as well as your gain. I think of what a tremendous difference you have made in liver patients lives, including mine, and I know that God provided you a miracle to educate and help others. I imagine that it could be a burden knowing you have such a responsibility to Yourself, Gavin, family as well as the Liver Community. Speaking for myself, may I thank Gavin’s family and you for giving so unselfishly.
Dear Joel,
You’re so kind and I know what loving grandpa you are and how much you enjoy your family. I hope and pray that his grandpa feels comfort from your kind words. It was a very deep loss for him. I haven’t met him yet, but hope to some day. I can’t wait to hug them and try to convey my thanks.
Your compassion is so honest and supportive through all of this even though you have had many health burdens of your own. Thanks again for the encouragement, as always from you.
I’m thankful to be alive and hope to honor Gavin and his life with all my heart.
XO Karen
Amazing story Karen – what a strong bond and brave family. Thanks for sharing.
Curt,
Thanks so much for the comments. I know Gavin’s mom reads my posts, and she will feel the compassion coming right from your heart.
You’re a good friend, and I’m so happy you’re getting the treatment you need!
XO Karen
Hi Karen,
I wish I had a family like Gavin’s. You said they read these posts. To Gavin’s family I want to say you sound like such wonderful loving people and Gavin was as blessed to have you as you were to have him. You will all be together again one day but I know your loss cannot be put into words in the meantime. Coming from an abusive family I have always longed for a family like yours. My daughter and I recently reconnected and are getting closer and closer after a few years of her having next to no contact with me because I did not know how to be a mother when she was growing up.
She is here in San Antonio asleep in my house right now. She came in to be my driver for the endoscopy I had on Wednesday. She is a social worker for refugees in Austin but she took a few days off so we could spend more time together. I feel so blessed she is here close to me again on this journey. In 2016 she was attacked by an Afghanistan refugee. She eventually calmed herself down enough to calm him down and talked him into walking outside.
She is my only child.
To Gavin’s family, you are so brave and I am so glad you have each other. If my daughter had died that day I would not be here now.
Karen, I see my liver specialist Thursday for results of my abdominal MRI, bloodwork etc. The endoscopy showed my small varices have “collapsed” from taking Nadalol for so long. But as usual they have found something new going on this time with my stomach and my esophagus so they did biopsies of both. I guess I’ll get those results when I see my doctor also. I actually thought about stopping all doctor’s visits, MRI’s, medicine. All of it. What is it they say? I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired LOL. It’s very doubtful I would ever be eligible for a liver transplant with all the other things going on with my body that they keep finding. I would actually like to be able to sit in on my autopsy to see exactly what it was that did me in LOL. But I’m in the field of Nursing so I guess that’s where all the Curiosity comes from.
Sorry I’ll get this wrapped up. I didn’t mean to start a book LOL. I had a wonderful dream last night. My dreams are usually bad or scary. I got sick at the beginning of it and the condition progressed as the dream went on. I became partially paralyzed in that I could not move my body like I wanted to or as fast as I wanted. I started having areas of my body on the outside turning black and the areas started getting bigger. I saw a doctor that did very little for me and wasn’t around much so as the dream progressed I started arguing with him about why he wasn’t doing more. My daughter was right by my side in the dream. She never left my side. There were also many other people that followed us around and were very supporting. I went from the doctor’s office to a hospital and I was still arguing with the doctor that he should be doing more. My daughter cried some in the dream but she was right there helping me handle details. Then I noticed Matthew McConaughey was in the dream in the group of people that followed us around. When I very reluctantly looked at the hospital bed before getting in it I was saying goodbye to a lot of people so they could go ahead and leave and go get some rest. I called Matthew McConaughey over and thanked him. We gave each other a very long hug and I got an ” all right all right all right” from him. What a great dream!!!! I’m glad I could remember it when I woke up.
I love this site. I am so thankful that you started it. It gives people a chance to express their deep true feelings. People don’t always want to hear about these things when you try to talk to them.
Bless you Karen!!! 💖
Dearest Karen,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’ve got so much going on with your liver and I hope you will keep us posted about your varices. We sure understand being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Please check out facebook or youtube where I’ve talked about that as well. You are not alone in this journey. I’m so thankful you have your daughter with you during this time.
Many believe that dreams are the gateway to your subconscious mind and can help you to gain insight and understanding into your current situation.
In closing, thank you for offering your loving words to Gavin’s family. He does have a wonderful family here on earth that miss him very much. I love it when anyone sends loving wishes and prayers their way.
Thank YOU for being one of the best friends who gather here looking for hope and support with liver disease for any cause. I’m super glad to hear the varices collapsed. That sounds like a good thing, right? Great job on taking the Nadolol and getting the portal vein pressure down.
Much love,
xo Karen
Hi Karen – glad you’re out there :). Four weeks done, viral load test this week! I’ll report back with results – 🙏
Xo
Curt
Hi Curt!
This is amazing. I just had a comment on the new post by an old friend who treated. She’s got totally healthy liver numbers now and her body is healing just fine. I am so excited for you to be free from Hep C and moving into a healthy future!
Thanks for staying in touch. It encourages us all.
xoxo Karen
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