We’ve all spent time in the Hepatitis C waiting room at the doctor’s office, lab, emergency room, or hospital. There are certain aspects of waiting that parallel our life with hep c. It seems as though we are constantly waiting on a lab result, or an answer from the doctor, pharmacy, insurance company, or somewhere. It’s a hard place to be – the waiting room. Even the words themselves create a feeling of frustration, uncertainty, helplessness. You know me pretty good by now, right? We need to talk about this waiting room business. If this is how we’re going to spend our time, let’s make the best of it and see what life has to teach us.
First of all, there’s the getting ready to go wait. There are times when I want to just walk out the door without a thought to how I look. Some days, especially when I had to drive 2 hours for a 7:00 A.M. blood lab, I wanted to roll out of bed and just go. I had to force myself to get out of bed early and get dressed. No sweats or pajamas for this girl. (Yes, I was tempted) You men can ignore this; make up is important. Even if it is just a little lipstick, girls – you have got to look and feel your best. Fix that hair or plop on a wig and throw back your shoulders as you walk in that waiting room. Greet those receptionists with a smile. Smiles are free. At times mine looked a little creepy. Hollow eyed, pasty, crusty skinned, and underweight with a hemoglobin of 7… parents seemed to pull their children a little closer to them when I walked by. Smile, shoulders back, find a chair close to the bathroom. You’re all ready to wait.
As your best friend who is also a teacher, I looked up the definition of Waiting:
1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often followed by for, till, or until ): to wait for the bus to arrive.
2. (of things) to be available or in readiness: A letter is waiting for you.
3. to remain neglected for a time: a matter that can wait.
4. to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed: We waited a week and then bought the house. Your vacation will have to wait until next month.
5. to look forward to eagerly: I’m just waiting for the day somebody will knock him down.
There is no one definition of waiting that that works best for those who have the Hepatitis C Virus (HCV). We are inactive and expectant. We are fully available, ready for anything. We surely feel neglected in many ways. Life itself seems to be postponed, yet we eagerly look forward to our future. Waiting can take on new meaning as we look at what waiting means to us, and also the practical side of waiting.
To be inactive until something happens. OUCH! That is a killer for me. Sitting? Waiting? Inactive? Not my style. Both of my sisters are really good at waiting. When they go to the doctor or hospital with me, they have stuff to do. One brings her ipad and shows me games and movies. She will actually move furniture to plug in her charger. I do not think the receptionists know what to make of her. The other one brings a huge bag of crafty stuff that is usually related to her classroom’s next art project. I always wait for them to kick her out for carrying scissors. For us, the waiting does include sitting in a chair or couch. When on treatment, most of the time it may be more like sprawled out. Inactive may also include feelings of being either frozen in fear, or numb. In any case, it involves very little on our part. Inactive is not that fun. Or is it?
The practical side of being inactive is that it is NOT just killing time. This time can be meaningful. Being inactive does not mean that you are totally dormant. Look at the seeds this time of year. A seed in winter that is buried in the ground is active even though it looks dead. It is waiting for spring. While waiting, there can always be a feeling of expectancy, a knowing that something IS coming. Use this time to think, dream and plan your future. I will give you some tips for that.
Available or in readiness – I saw The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey last night. It was totally cool watching a young Bilbo Baggins reluctantly head out on his adventure. Yeah. We went 3D and it was so much more than I expected. Better than The Lord of the Rings maybe. But I digress. Bilbo was living a safe, ordinary life that was quite predictable for a Baggins. I remember the lines from the original book, maybe a little wrong, but something like:
Still round the corner there may wait a new road or a secret gate.
Though often I have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I will take the hidden paths that run
East of the moon, West of the sun.
Yes, Biblo did not know it, but everything in his life had been getting him ready. All he had to do was be available. And wait. I do not think Bilbo knew he was waiting. He thought he was living, and he was. It was a safe, routine, and practical life. But within this living, this daily turn of life, there is a preparation. We are adding new skills to get us ready for our own great adventure.
There is a practical side to waiting in the Hepatitis C waiting room – being available in readiness is to just do what you do. Day in and day out. Wake up, work, eat, love, sleep. Do it again and again knowing that it is all part of the helping us to be ready and available. Secretly friends, I believe the best is yet to come. I do not know how long I have, so I awake every day and cannot wait to see what is going to happen next. It is easy to think of each day as ordinary. We experience our trials and tribulations with frustration or anger. We see our responses to the negative experiences and do not view it as readiness. We may even be downright bitter. Some days everything can appear to be an annoyances or a setback. However, as long as we are looking toward the next sunrise or sunset with an eye on the future, we can use each obstacle as a stepping stone toward strengthening and training for the adventure called life.
This Christmas day, together, let us vow to view our inactive time as a time of rest. Our dormant state of waiting as a time to stop and reflect. Then we can feel our foot move toward a state of readiness. We can be fully available for that new road or secret gate just around the corner. We will awaken to the day when we can take the hidden paths to our own adventure. Maybe hep c is a door to that hidden path? Merry Christmas to all my Best Friends. I’ve thought about you all day. I’ll write more about the other stages, so be watching for the next post on Hep C – The Waiting Room. Karen:)
https://www.ihelpc.com/?p=743
https://www.ihelpc.com/hep-c-the-waiting-room/
