Many of you are dealing with liver disease as a single person. I was there once, aging all alone with liver disease, and understand the impact it can have on your mental and emotional health. I wasn’t single by choice. Rather, my liver disease led to a rift in my marriage, and a divorce. It was a low spot for me and I wasn’t sure that I could make it through. I learned that the resources that were the most important to me were hard won, but possible to find.
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Since my mind was in a hepatic encephalopathy haze, it was hard for me to consider dating. My friends were great to hang out with, but I always felt like the 5th wheel. Some of that may have been my own mindset, however, when everyone had a partner, it was difficult. A lot of friends wanted to “set me up.” After a painful divorce, I feel like part of my desire to find a partner was wanting to help me feel desirable again. But, I was sick.
I was also on a liver loving diet and didn’t want my dates to be someone offering to wine and dine me. Wine was a deal killer for me personally for many reasons. I wanted a fun, thoughtful, and sober date. I would rather be alone than with someone who had to drink to feel at home with me.
It is possible to be alone without feeling lonely. One of the most important things that I did was invest in myself. By making a list and checking off the boxes of my personal and social wants, I was staying in touch with my own inner life and also touching on my goals for the future. My checklist was specific.
Doing a Needs Assessment
Finding out exactly what I needed wasn’t easy. It took some deep soul searching. I had always read, and taught classes on a lot of books. At this new stage of life, I retook my personality and values and strength finder tests. Even though I had done all of those, now that I was all alone and living with liver disease, it was time to reevaluate. What would my happily ever after look like now?
The deepest look was at myself and realizing that even though my body was sick – very very sick – I was still alive and deserved to have joy, acceptance, excitement, and contentment with others.
That also included letting myself feel like I deserved to have a loving partner who would not only accept me with all my physical ailments, but stand by me through my healing process.
One Step at a Time
This all came in stages. I had to deal with all of my grief. My health, my marriage, and my financial losses were fresh. During each stage there were specific steps to move me further along the path.
If you’ve followed me, you’ve probably read about my dating scene. You may have also read about my medical bills and how my daughter and grandkids became my caregivers.
Our identity is wrapped around all of those things. Since childhood, we dream of how life will be. There are losses and we deal with them. The pain helps us grow. But unless you have been alone and living with a liver diagnosis, you have no idea how much our identity is stolen from us.
Some of you have discovered happiness living alone. With the freedom to travel, you can find places where people have the same interests as you. Volunteering in the community is always rewarding, whether it is reading to an elementary student, or working in a neighborhood garden. Perhaps you go to a walking trail and encounter new friends there.
Local churches, temples, and synogogues are always looking for people to help cook, clothe, or reach out to people in need. Your gifts and talent will be welcomed by many. During that process you may meet a significant person who will be drawn to create a lifelong partnership with you.
No matter where you are in the process, the next step is there for you. Just begin to look for ways to find a match in your area. No one should be aging all alone with liver disease. As usual, a new blog is sparked about WHY you should have a caring partner to align with your mental, physical, and emotional goals. Check back and I’ll have it on here soon. There is more to come about aging all alone with liver disease.
6 thoughts on “Aging All Alone with Liver Disease”
Divorced after 9 1/2 yrs (not one attorney told me 10 yrs was the requirement for spousal support). My ex owes me to this day per court order, never been able to collect a dime. Have been on Disability 23+ yrs. Not dating now 15+ yrs. Took care of both my grandmother and mother who recently died 2 yrs ago. Tried a number of times to treat HepC, too sick to do old treatment on Peg/Riba. No doctors where I live treat it. Town closing down following large prison closure. Next Dr 160+ miles round trip, too costly, injury forces to do a drive like that with a hotel stay over. Medicare Only which covers nothing. By the skin my teeth, got a low income apt just shy of being faced with living in my car. Past worked in the medical field, but not working, moving numerous times and no play money leaves you frozen. Have no family, no friends, and tired of abusive relationships. Chronic pain patient besides HepC, my doctor retired 5 yrs ago and no doctor since. Glad things have worked out for you.
Girl friend,
I read your story 2 nights ago and you’ve been in my heart ever since. Thank you so much for telling your story I can promise you this: You are not alone. I got a LOT of emails and more than I can answer with similar situations. This blog must have hit a nerve with many people.
Have you treated for Hep c yet? Please call my friends at Help for Hep. 877-435-7443. I know everyone there and they are sooo kind and will try to help you get access to treatment. Tell them everything.
I would offer you words of truth like: You can do this. You’re going to make it. You have a bright future.
You might not be able to hear those words if you are very very sick. Please repeat these words OUT LOUD to yourself. Then reach out and make that call. There is hope dear one.
I had to get scrappy and believe that there was a path to a brighter future. I wanted to live and begin again and heal my liver.
Please say those words and make that call. I know it seems like everything is against you. There are people who will listen to you and help you take actions steps.
In the meantime, take care of yourself. I’ll be your best friend, and YOU be your own best friend.
xoxoKaren
Hi go to a page Hepatitis C Treatment Cure and Community, they can help with people to talk to on face book , there are thousands who have been helped by Karen and this group. They will talk you through what to do.xxx
Victoria,
Dear friend you have welcomed so many into your facebook page Hepatitis C Treatment and Cure Community. What a close community we have where we can talk about anything related to liver disease.
Some fb pages are just friendly and hopeful and this is one of them. People can tell when someone really cares about them. I think that your heart as an admin is one of the best things for our group. There is no judgement and no stupid questions. Everyone is welcome no matter what.
Thanks for posting and chatting!
xo Karen
Thank you very much for the words of wisdom l live alone with my liver disease one day at a time I’m mostly alone because of the pandemic & with the situations with my liver. God bless you
Hello and thank you SO much for taking the time to drop a line. I love hearing from you. Would you mind if I ask a few questions? How is your liver health? Are your numbers good right now? ALT, AST, and other labs.
The isolation can be so hard and the pandemic made it worse. Are you in a large city or small town? I’m wondering if you are able to get out and socialize at all.
Let’s keep chatting here. I’ve got you in my heart.
xo Karen
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