A Spin Around the Sun
Crossing the line into January is a really big deal around here. I’ve had a variety of kooky rituals over the years. Most of them have been about marking the passage of time. Buh bye to the old. Hello to the new. This year though – oh boy, oh boy, oh boy – this was a spin around the sun that was full of miracles.
I looked back on the slices of life. January had my Alpha Feta Protein, AFP tumor marker going back up. Then an MRI showed that the darn thing was growing again. Bone scans were proof that the cancer wasn’t spreading. I alternately lay on the couch or twisted into a yoga pose while taking deep breaths. Then I would find my neck all bunched up and realize that I was holding my breath again.
By March, I had taken care of business by cleaning out my past. Any leftover heartache, unforgiveness, shame, and self pity had been held up to the microscope of my heart. I did make room for some fears and anxiety in the corners of my mind. They have their own little spot and I can boss them around when I’m up to it.
Then came the day that changed everything. I’ve thought long and hard for 3 days in an attempt to write a sentence that describes it. I want to use words like star or meteor because it’s such a vast thing – being cancer free. Released or emancipated comes to mind, because liver disease had restricted me for so many years. Startled or shocked certainly fit. I’m more alive than I’ve felt in decades.
Moving through July my core grew stronger physically and mentally. Watching my family relax and allow me to into gain independence last fall was a triumph. November had been a deadline with the cancer, so Thanksgiving found us way beyond Thankful. It has been the most exquisite year of my life.
I have increasing awareness of both the details of life, and the big picture. Things that had gone unnoticed, or misunderstood are now clearer. My heart has a high note that is constantly playing, like the sweetest violin. My thoughts are scattered, yet jubilant.
For New Year’s Eve, I did not write any goals. I did not light a candle or stay up until midnight for shooting off a gun, banging pots and pans on the porch, showing my money to the moon, or saying a prayer. I went to bed and slept hard. I woke up grateful. I plan on doing that all year.
I’ll be grateful.
I’ll be especially grateful to my liver donor and his family.
I’ll give long hard hugs.
I’ll walk outside as often as possible.
I’ll journal and write on the blog.
I’ll do yoga, meditate, and listen to calm music.
I’ll also dance, pray, and talk to nature.
I’m loving this list.
I’ll visit more with friends and family.
I’ll work on some new recipes.
I’ll cut my budget.
I’ll save more.
I’ll travel.
I’ll work on my posture.
I’ll be more aware of my body.
I’ll strive to be pain free and relaxed.
I’ll smile.
I’ll will unleash loud and goofy laughter.
I will do all of these things and more while riding this planet on another spin around the sun. What a glorious thing – simply being here. I pray constantly, daily, with thoughts in my head and heart of every single reader. I lift you up before my God and ask for waves of healing. I love you. Xoxo Karen:)
13 thoughts on “A Spin Around the Sun”
You are an inspiration Karen. I’m certain this is by far, not the first time anyone has said that of you. Sending loving thoughts and vibes your way for this wonderful, new year full of so much hope.
Brigitte
Brigitte,
What sweet words you pen. I love the way you encourage me. Coming from a source such as yourself it is a double blessing. Do you feel the swell of my heart toward you? smiling… what a cool planet with you and I loving through cyber space.
xoxo Karen:)
I’m so happy for you Karen. I try to think what life would be like with a healthy new liver and I suppose it’s too much for me to digest.
I continue to adjust to being alone since my wife and I split up in September. It’s been difficult in some ways but in other ways I’m enjoying the journey of rediscovering myself. I never thought I would be at this place after 37 years of marriage… But I am. I’m thankful for each day God grants me. Live Karen! I love your posts. God bless!
Joel,
A new liver may be in your future. It’s not nearly as scary as it sounds, yet it’s doubly overwhelming at the same time. I know that you work hard to keep your liver healthy with diet and that can take you a loooong way. I’ve been there. xoxo
The news of your divorce surprised and saddened me. I had the same experience after over 30 years. I attribute some of it to my health. I know how much your kids and grandkids mean to you. Please be assured that family is love to them. No matter what changes your family goes through, they will still see you ALL as loving. Remind them of this as they process the split.
This will definitely be a NEW year of change for you. Bring it on! Welcome it with joy dear friend. My heart is with you. xo Karen:)
What an uplifting post. I am thrilled for you and wish you many more spins around that glorious sun.
Sue,
What a compliment coming from you! It is exciting to greet another year in the company of great friends.
Much much love,
Karen xoxo
Wonderful post! I’m so happy for you and still pray for your health. Thank you sweet lady for all you do. Have a blessed new year!
Thank You sweet Tammy. I’m happy for all of us to continue to heal and grow. You know you’re in my prayers… xo Karen:)
Hi Karen, it is so good to see you back writing. You are always so positive. You help me to stay positive. I am now 5.5 months post transplant. I still get tired so easily. They are having me go for an MRCP tomorrow evening to check my bile duct. I’m sure it is fine. I have been itchy. He just wants to make sure.
My goal for this year is to regain my energy and get into the best health that I have ever been in. That means dropping a few more pounds and toning up muscles. I CAN do this.
So glad you are doing so well. God is good. He got us where we are. May he bless you with continued health. Love you!
Hi Kathleen! Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about! Setting goals and knowing we can reach them… eventually. It’s not easy to stay positive when we’re dealing with weakness and fatigue. Our bodies need a lot of rest – and sleep. Don’t even worry about it. Our energy and strength get better every day! I’m pretty soft right now. I still work out often.
Do you have any joint pain? I wonder if mine is from immunosuppressants or HCV medication?
Thanks sweet one. Keep in touch and congratulations !!
xoxo Karen
Dear Karen, this was one of the most uplifting posts I have seen. Thank you so much for sharing.
This reminds me of the time you wrote about getting up at midnight, running outside in the dark and making a V for victory with your arms. That, like this is so inspiring.
I found a good plant based protein drink. It is called Orgain. It is a little expensive but really good and good for us so I alternate with this and the Whey protein on Amazon.
Bless you for sharing
Love
Dee
Dee Ernst recently posted…A Spin Around the Sun
Karen, you are so joyful, it’s inspirational. I was diagnosed with HCV 23 years ago and have been undetectable since I first had my levels checked without treatment and doctors always say I’m “cured”. I don’t know how much I believe all that because there is pain from time to time. You’ve inspired me to start living better and healthier; I guess I used what the doctors told me as an excuse to live how I wanted, with drinking alcohol and eating unhealthy foods. Since yesterday morning I had a sudden onset of pain in my liver area, felt like I’d been punched in the stomach and literally doubled me over when it happened. I still have the same pain and it hasn’t gone away or receded. I know I need to listen to my body and stop putting harmful things in it. I hope you’re doing well.
Oh dear one, so sorry to hear that you are having pain. Have you had your gallbladder checked? Have you had the viral load tested more than once? It is possible that your body was able to clear the virus, there are at least %20 to %40 that do. It is possible. It is also possible to damage your liver with alcohol. To me, just a fellow patient it sounds like you gallbladder. Especially when you mentioned doubling over. Have you had your liver functions tested lately? Please keep in touch.
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